i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
