its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
