Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I party with great urgency now.
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