I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
