I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize