One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
