this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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