ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
