I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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