I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
