So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
