the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
