grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
