Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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