happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
