Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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