I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
