There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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