so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
