i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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