There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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