I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
