you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
