I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
