apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
