Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
