Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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