That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
