o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
