Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
