Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my poor anus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
