white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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