Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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