I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
