I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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