In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
as a side note pls kill me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
