That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize