I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
