I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
