we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
