Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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