Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
