well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
