I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize