The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
