Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize