Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is the high leading the old right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
