I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
