if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
