i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
