I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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