are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
