You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
