I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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