Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
