I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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