Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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