did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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