Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
