I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
