I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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