Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
