he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
